Go on, ask Doctor Di…

October 3, 2006 at 5:55 am (Uncategorized)

A friend of mine, Suz, just had a fabulous idea. Which isn’t surprising, because she’s a Senior Associate at an international law firm and therefore very clever. Granted, signing up for a lifetime of billable units makes her seem slightly LESS clever, but this is a fun and good idea. So let’s play.

Suz sent me an email that said, intriguingly, “I hope someone sends you a problem.” A problem? I asked. What kind of problem? She replied, “Not a serious problem, but like the ones on the back page of GW.” This is Good Weekend, weekend magazine insert of The Sydney Morning Herald. Now I know exactly what Suz is talking about.

In Good Weekend, there are two Modern Gurus – one’s a guy, who’s only so-so funny (which is why I can’t quite recall his name off the top of my head), and the other’s Kate Duthie, who is out and out hilarious (which is why I can recall hers). They answer reader questions on alternate weeks, and the questions are anything from “Should my neighbour cut down the Moreton Bay fig tree that keeps dropping rotten figs all over my spanking fully sick Toyota Celica?” to “My boyfriend likes to clean his feet in bed, leaving toe jam and nail bits all over the sheets. Should I leave him?” That kind of thing. Modern dilemmas, or just plain disgusting and patently obvious ones (yes, you should leave that revolting toe jam man, quick sticks).

So has anyone got a question for me about absolutely anything…? Huh, huh, have you, huh?? Please don’t be shy. Actually, back in the Nail Sports comment stream, Brett asked a question about matching toe and fingernail varnish, which I naturally answered. See? We’re already doing it! You can tell me, go on, then, and I promise not to refer to myself in the third person when I respond.

Doctor Di’s Question Time is officially OPEN FOR BUSINESS.



  1. doctordi said,

    It’s a sad, sad state of affairs when I am the only one to comment on my own post. I know you’re out there, though – someone IS definitely out there, because WordPress is counting the number of hits I get (and no, smart arse, they don’t include my own!). My current tally is enough that I know someone has read this. Maybe you just don’t want to play. Well, that’s fine. But if you do think of something, let me know. It can be serious or silly. Whatever.

  2. Tamsin said,

    I’m in my early thirties and I like to shop. Recently I have noticed a growing and rather disturbing trend….teenage shop assistants calling me ‘Love’ or ‘Sweetie.’ Is it normal to be offended by this?

  3. doctordi said,

    Ooooh goodie! A question! And it’s a beauty! Okay, Tamsin, let’s think about this. I can still DISTINCTLY remember the first time one of those 2 year old shop assistants pointed at me and said “It’s for the lady.” I looked over one shoulder, then the other, and then it dawned on me that I was in fact “the lady.” I was TOTALLY offended, horrified even. It was Sportsgirl, circa 1991, and I was a mere 19 years old. A teenager. Most definitely NOT in the talcum powder brigade. Where do they find these infants to staff these stores and dish out these thoughtless insults?? I mean, OF COURSE a 19 year old is going to seem, like, so, like, ancient, if you’ve only just learnt how to tie up your own shoelaces.

    “Love,” “sweetie,” they’re just variations of “honey,” which is all just shorthand for “Hey you, customer – how the hell do I know what to call you? – are you gonna buy that or what?” And, truly, are any of them any worse than “lady”? And what are the alternatives? I mean, they’re not exactly calling us “scrag,” “mutton,” and “scrubber,” are they? So I say choose your battles, save your retail vitriol for the Boxing Day sales, and let those poor misguided children sweeten the deal as they help part you from your cash.

  4. Tamsin said,

    Thank you Honey.
    Tee hee.
    Di, you’re right – I’m going to save my energy. Instead I’m going to do battle with all those Sydney waiters out there who will not relinquish control of their over-sized pepper grinders. LET ME GRIND MY OWN F**** PEPPER. And while you’re at it – leave it on the table. I MAY want to use it again.

  5. doctordi said,

    Just how much do those grinders set them back, anyway…? Anyone would think they were goddamn Oscars the way they clutch at them and get all nervous the second you ask if you can have a hold…Phallic metaphors aside, because we’re all mature adults here, what’s the story with those pepper grinders??? It seems to be that the larger the grinder, the more impressed you’re supposed to be when it sprays your grilled snapper, and the likelier it is that it’s the sole grinder on the premises, servicing…Oh to hell with it, bring on the phallic metaphors! A huge pepper grinder generally means an even bigger competition amongst the clientele for a good grinding. Small grinders are a dime a dozen, but when they’re boastfully, manfully placed on every table in the house, chances are they’ll be completely spent by the time you arrive. Some people are even starting to auto-grind, now pepper grinders are available in all sorts of fun and discrete shapes and sizes.

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