Who Are These People?

December 1, 2006 at 12:32 am (Uncategorized)

This morning, Llew got home from surfboat rowing and said to me gravely, “I’ve got some bad news for you.” I looked at him and said “What? What’s happened?” And he said “Someone speared a dolphin, and it washed up dead onshore. It just washed up on the beach where we went rowing.”

I love dolphins. They’re my favourite creature of the sea by so far that it’s vaguely embarrassing. It’s not that I have some bizarre, creepy collection of porcelain dolphins, it’s just that I like the real ones, just as they are. I get as excited as a small child whenever I see them, and I am fortunate enough to see quite a lot of them. At Bronwyn and Matt’s reception at a Newcastle surf club on the weekend, I was the dolphin whisperer who spotted them off in the distance. Letting out an almighty “DOLPHINS!!!!!” I charged across the room and out onto the surf club deck, very nearly taking out Bronwyn’s elderly grandmother in my rush to get out there. Naturally the entire wedding party followed, because dolphins have that kind of effect on people. Everyone crushed up against the railing, pointing and crying out with pleasure every time they did their distinctive roll across the surface of the water. Llew and I had a playful pod turn up at our own wedding, right in the middle of Llew’s speech, and they caught waves right in front of everyone as the sun went down. They are just lovely creatures, and they seem to me a very happy omen indeed at a wedding.

Some IDIOT speared that poor dolphin and then pulled out their spear, dragging out its entrails as they went. Why would you spear a DOLPHIN? They come up to PLAY with you, they’re curious, friendly, intelligent, and beautiful. I know, let’s take a spear gun to the lot of ’em. Yes, that’s JUST what I think whenever I see a dolphin up close: let’s kill ‘im. You have to be pretty close to successfully use a spear gun, too, so there’s basically no chance of this being a case of mistaken identity a la “I thought my life was in danger. I could’ve sworn it was JAWS.” No, this is just some absolute TOOL getting his jollies (sorry, boys, but this smacks of some dull-witted man – it seems vastly unlikely to me intuitively that this was the handiwork of a female, but I appreciate the legitimacy of a backlash against such a generalised and patently sexist statement) or amusing his mates by killing a dolphin. You legend.

Maybe it’s the same courageous hunter who deposited a dead baby penguin in Tara and Tom’s letter box on Wednesday morning. Yes, the calling card of a real hero. You’d really have to be a big, brave stud to kill a baby penguin – they’re so…MENACING, so…FIERCE…Yes, a dull blow to the head is really the only way to calm down those vicious creatures.

Llew said there was a little girl about five years old standing over the dolphin in her little swimming outfit, complete with tiny goggles. She looked up and down the length of the dolphin, and then looked at all the grown ups. “But I don’t understand,” she said. Close to tears, staring first at the dolphin and then at the adults, she just kept saying, “I don’t understand.” Well, honey, neither do I.


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