Cheney, the Cleaning Lady…

February 22, 2007 at 2:06 am (Uncategorized)

In mafia speak, a cleaner is the trigger-happy stooge with all the blood on his hands, so I thought I’d give Cheney a little nickname in honour of that shooting accident last year, and in honour of the special gun laws that have been passed in NSW, after federal government pressure, to accommodate his visit to Sydney today. I thought I’d give the nickname an Australian flavour by putting that sentiment in the context of John Farnham’s totally daggy old hit about Sadie the trolley dolly, because there’s no doubt about who’s bringing the biscuit tray around on this visit. Our prime miniature, that’s who. Go Fetch, Little Johnny, Watch Johnny Run, See Johnny Jump, and other titles all coming to a kindergarten near you. And Cheney, the Cleaning Lady is something the whole family can sing along to, as they dodge stray bullets and try to stay out of Cheney’s green-lit path over the next couple of days. It goes a little something like this (I’ve just adjusted some of John Farnham’s lyrics, and I hope I’m not breaching any copyright laws…):

Cheney, the Cleaning Lady

Cheney, the cleaning lady
With trusty special forces, guns aimed at the aorta,
Working Sydney to the bone
Recreating the bubble he’s got at home
Guns locked and loaded, ever ready for a slaughter

CHORUS
Ah Cheney, the cleaning lady
His aching knees not getting any relief
His red, bloodied hands
Have for years clutched a simple man’s,
Cheney’s servicing the Commander in Chief.
Scrub your floors, do your chores, dear old Cheney
Looks as though you’ll always be the cleaning lady
Can’t afford to get lazy, dear old Cheney
Looks as though you’ll always be the cleaning lady

Ah, Cheney, the cleaning lady
His slow working mind cannot find a way of trapping
America’s most wanted Saudi
So Cheney just spends the night watching TV, and napping

CHORUS
Ah, Cheney, the cleaning lady
He and Howard, hook, line and sinker
To my sorrow and dismay
They’re both still working to this day
And didn’t they turn out to be no-good stinkers?

CHORUS from: Scrub your floors, do your chores etc

Cheney’s bringing his own security detail, and they have been given permission to shoot Australians if they have to, in order to protect him. Special rules, you see, for special people. Look, I seriously doubt anyone’s going to get hurt, but it really irks me that Australian protection evidently isn’t good enough for Dick. Dick wants American protection, gosh darn it, even on foreign soil. And what Dick wants, Dick gets, isn’t that right, Johnny?

So we’ll all just try to ignore the Black Hawks and the traffic delays and the street closures and the men with ear pieces and firearms, whilst Dick goes about the very important business of being a…well, dick. And we all know how Johnny loves to get up close and personal to those, being the good little biscuit boy that he is.

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