Apologies for Yesterday’s Post

December 16, 2008 at 11:49 pm (Uncategorized)

For those of you who saw the “no-frills” post or received it as an email, I apologise for what was pretty bad form on my part. I think it was a passive-aggressive spite post, and this isn’t the place for that, and I’m not, generally speaking, the person. But we all have our moments, don’t we? I treasure loyalty and dedicate quite a lot of time and energy to fostering my own, and yet yesterday’s post was disloyal to the person I love most in the world. Bad form, pure and simple.

I think I’ve found the limits of my candour. I often use this blog to sort through things that are happening in my life, to make sense of the world and my relationships, but yesterday was a timely reminder that this is very much a public forum, and some of these posts have deeply personal consequences. I’ve been spending more time than usual on my own – it’s no excuse, but I think the boundaries blurred, and I think I just wanted to have a whinge, which is hard to do with a friend when what you’re complaining about is so monumentally ridiculous. A very nice problem to have, in other words, when everyone else is struggling with other much more serious concerns. What I should have done is vent in my diary, in private, to myself. And that’s what I’ll do next time. In the meantime, please excuse my appalling lack of grace.

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3 Comments

  1. Pete said,

    Di – I didn’t read it so I can’t really comment but I think we all have our moments of losing it. If I’m surmising correctly, you threw your toys. If I can be the shrink here for a second, fighting is an important part of any intimate relationship. It’s just about expressing those feelings in the right way (and in a way in which your partner still feels secure). God, I sound like a magazine advice columnist šŸ˜‰

  2. litlove said,

    I didn’t read it either, but given that we ALL have a bit of a rant from time to time, I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. After all, I don’t know the person you are talking about, nor ever will, and so it’s like a secondary character in a novel. I’ve often posted about my husband in a way that seems funny to me, but might look very unkind to someone else. I guess what I’m trying to say is that blogs are like any other kind of writerly fiction – we send it out into the world where we no longer have any control over what people think of it, and so the only real option is to let the characters dance and be what they will. I think the only time privacy really matters is when the person one wishes to moan about may well come on line and unexpectedly find themselves the subject of a rant. Nowadays, I get my husband to vet the posts he appears in, to make sure he’s happy with his own representation. He’s usually tremendously unbothered, because he feels like a secondary fictional character in my blog, too.

    By the way, I found you via Pete and I really love the way you write. Really don’t worry about the occasional post that doesn’t sit well – in the rapid turnover of blogging, people rarely pay any attention.

  3. doctordi said,

    Thanks, Pete, and Litlove. As bloggers, and as people who wouldn’t be able to pick my husband or me in a line-up, you bring a perspective to this that I find incredibly comforting. But I would hazard to guess most of the people who drop in here know us, and aren’t bloggers, and therefore would likely be surprised and even disturbed by a level of disclosure that, to me, is the whole point. And that makes the post I sent out into the world a weapon I used against Llew to make a point in a personal matter – and that forced it on some of our best friends in the process. Very uncool. I fight a daily battle with myself to be as honest as I can be here – as a writer and a human being – but the fact is, I discuss other people in the process, and sometimes they really don’t appreciate it. To whit: a very old and dear friend of mine emailed me after seeing this post to tell me she was hurt by being featured in a post I wrote three months ago. I re-read the post just now, and from my perspective, I’m stunned that it offended her, not to mention completely horrified (why didn’t she tell me??!!), but from hers, well, I can absolutely see how it was an invasion of her privacy. I refer to her by name, for starters, something I’ve since stopped doing with all “characters” but Llew (his name is already all over the blog so there’s simply no point). I think I generally have a reasonably good internal filter, I certainly try to follow a moral compass, but occasionally, a good post or a hot topic or a vented spleen apparently gets the better of me. But thank you. And I will take this lesson and learn from it, so even a deleted post isn’t a loss.

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