A Social Butterfly or a Tortured Fly?

October 5, 2009 at 5:17 am (Uncategorized)

Well, the good news is I survived the weekend. Only barely, but still. I’m alive. My liver is in tatters, my skin is diabolical, my exercise program has stubbed its big toe, and my apartment is a complete disaster zone, but I’m alive. I slept for ten hours last night, and may I just take a moment to recommend a good night’s sleep to anyone feeling similarly off the rails (it seems to be going around)? Because it really works wonders. I’ve even recovered a small measure of my vocabulary, which I smashed like a dropped compact all over the footpath outside the pub at some point on Saturday night. Shudder.

Over-committed. That was the problem. For some reason, everyone was around this weekend, wanting to do things. And when we over-commit, we under-deliver. In the end, no one’s happy with us. No one was ever going to be. Llew called on his way home late Friday night, and at some point in the conversation he said he was just trying to keep everyone happy. And I said, ‘Yes, we both are. We always do this, and what happens is that we do it at our own expense, and then no one ends up happy with us anyway.’ Then I told him how I was feeling about the weekend, and we had an argument.

Perfect. It played out like clockwork. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Guilt, obligation, good intentions: that unholy trinity. It’s so powerful, and we fall for it every time. We haven’t figured out the means of managing it, and so it sucks us right in, time and time again, always spitting us out the other end like chewed tobacco hitting a hillbilly’s porch.

The expression ‘running around like a blue-arsed fly’ perfectly describes my weekend. By the end of it, I felt like a fly caught by a cruel and curious child. This child deliberately pulled off my wings. Then the child tore my body in half. Then the child trod on me, skipping away to find something else to kill, the mangled fly already forgotten. And I’m partially responsible for the way it all went down. I was too slow, too weak, too dumb to stay out of harm’s way. I buzzed too close to the child’s ear. I landed on the child’s nose even knowing my being there would come to no good at all. But I never learn, because as flies go, I’m a bit stupid.

The good news is that my first post on the Varuna alumni blog is up.

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19 Comments

  1. kate4samh said,

    Glad you survived the weekend. Did Llew? Thought your Varuna blog was great!

    • doctordi said,

      Thanks, Kate – I’m especially glad you thought so for obvious reasons.

      Llew survived, also just barely – his monster kip was last night.

  2. Fugitive Pieces said,

    Well, just look at you go! BEAUTIFUL post for Varuna. And now I plan on adopting “Screw you, Charlie Bucket” as my catchphrase for the week (especially if anyone tries talking me out of this grouch I’m nursing). But that’s one heck of a way to kick off your week in blog-residence, woman. Woo-hoo! Love it when I back a winner…

    • doctordi said,

      Aw, thanks Fugitive, that’s awfully nice of you – and ‘Screw you, Charlie Bucket’ is all yours, please take it and dispense liberally throughout the week. xx

  3. Fugitive Pieces said,

    God, sorry. I was so excited by the Varuna thing that I forgot to sympathise over your exhaustion…Hope you’re both recovered. This people-pleasing thing is getting out of hand. But yeah, you know that, and it’s making bugger all difference, so vow and declare to do it differently next time, and then staple a post-it saying “NO” to your forehead in the run-up to the next long weekend.

  4. Pete said,

    Sorry about the hangover but YAY re the Varuna piece. Am off to read it right now.

    • doctordi said,

      Hard to sympathise with self-inflicted wounds, I know.

  5. Pete said,

    Loved it! I was too shy to comment over there at Varuna (not an Aussie, not a writer) but that was a kick-ass post. Good luck with the rest of them.

    • doctordi said,

      Thanks, Pete! You guys are the kindest critics going around town! Sorry you were too shy to comment over there, though – it is an open blog, all welcome.

  6. kate4samh said,

    That’s so funny Pete! I also was too shy to comment over there : )

    • doctordi said,

      Actually, Kate, I am worried this is something that happens on the Varuna blog more often than not, that people feel it’s a closed forum, and it’s not, anyone can comment and join in.

  7. Charlotte said,

    I reckon the rule is every second night you have plans – i.e. staying home. I plan to obey this rule one day. Varuna post is great, evidenced by masses of comments.

  8. doctordi said,

    I try very hard to stick to a similar rule… sometimes it works, sometimes they weed out my couch-recovery lies…

    So happy you like the post, Lady Charlotte – although admittedly most of those comments are mine!!!

  9. woo said,

    I was too shy even to go over to check out what Varuna was… I may pull myself together and head over there soon, though, after the reassurances here.

    But yep, over-committing and under-delivering? I hear ya. Which is why I basically slept for 14 hours on Saturday, entirely missing one event I had over-committed to.

    And it felt gooooooooooood 🙂

  10. doctordi said,

    Woo, you are brave! I salute you! Not only did you check it out but you broke the comment deadlock with the outside-alumni world – may many rose petals fall at your feet. Sorry about the unrequited love that spurred the creation of your blog, but the blog’s a much better legacy of spurned affection than, say, taking to his trousers with a pair of scissors…

    Yes, I was thinking of you on the over-committed front after reading your post. Excellent news on the deep kipping – don’t you love it?

  11. Lilian Nattel said,

    I don’t think I’d survive a weekend like that. By the end of it I’d be like a little kid having too many parties.

  12. doctordi said,

    Lilian, you got it in one.

  13. davidrochester said,

    I find it works much better to plan on disappointing everyone. That way, my obligations stay nicely under control, and both I and those who know me are pleasantly surprised when I do actually do something pleasing.

  14. doctordi said,

    Under-promise, over-deliver. I like it.

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