Before you say anything, yes, I do know entirely how neglectful I have been for the past two days. And I am sorry, I just seem to be running out of stamina. I suppose one thing Shanghai really wasn’t that Llewie and I both needed it to be was restful. We really didn’t have a break, we were far too busy having it large and loud, and I can feel in the bone exhaustion of my present state that I do still genuinely require one. Of course, this level of fatigue also feels almost entirely synthetic – it’s the IVF nasal spray or I’m a monkey’s uncle.
The IVF update is that because my body refused to cooperate in time, levels shooting off in all directions at very inconvenient times, I was heading toward an egg collection date of…. yes, you can see what’s coming, can’t you… 25 December. When no one will be there. Yes, my body perversely locked onto IVF Australia’s annual break and would not let go. It seems all it wanted for Christmas was egg extraction. Now everything has to be pushed back because the vast team of people required to get this party started have failed to volunteer sacrificing their Christmas holidays for me. I know – they’re just so selfish. Instead, I have to keep snorting Synarel and won’t start injecting until 20 December, which by my calculations means I won’t be going under for the egg hunt until the New Year.
Talk about anticlimactic – and there are too many puns there to bear examination.
I have unearthed a few sneaky side effects, though. Nothing big, aside from the dead weight exhaustion. It’s just little things like, say, my hair falling out. As well as doubting aloud that I’ll ever be able to “cope” with any given travel destination (my being a travel writer and wildly enthusiastic traveller having zero impact on this opinion), my MIL has a funny habit – my own mother used to do this constantly too, and I so wonder from where it stems – of suggesting a full complement of ailments that might be ravaging my system at any given time, and helpfully suggested hair loss could well mean a thyroid problem. Perhaps I should get that checked out? Have they checked my thyroid? Yes, K. They’ve checked me for everything. K looked me up and down like she found that idea highly unlikely, so I don’t think I’ll mention that the hair loss has really picked up the pace since.
Now, I know there’s nothing wrong with my thyroid not only because I’ve had about eighty blood tests in the past year, but because I enjoy excellent health and always have done (with that one exception of paratyphoid A courtesy of a honeymoon in India – not something that was wrong with me per se, rather something that got into me from the outside and made me sick). In the information pamphlet I was given on Synarel, hair loss is listed in black and white as a possible side effect, and I know that’s why it’s happening. Same with the dry skin (and boy, don’t I look a hundred right now). One thing it doesn’t mention, though, is this insatiable sweet tooth. Look, I am generally a savoury head, and even with my sweet things, I prefer a tartness, like the bitter edge to 70% Lindt. I adore citrus probably above all other flavours (especially when it’s lemon mixed with parmesan). So I’m not what you would officially call a sweet tooth. I could happily never eat chocolate again. Ice cream preferably has nuts in it. Give me a cheese plate over a dessert dish any day. And yet at the moment, I am craving sugar like a junkie. Fruit helps, so I ate a bowl of cherries yesterday instead of going to the shop for sweets. But Monday? I was out of control. Devoured six of those ginger snaps, demolished a large hunk of baklava, and then hoovered a quarter of a tub of ice cream. If there’d been any chocolate in the house, I would’ve eaten that too. At some point, I caught myself shovelling sugar and thought, “Whoah, Bessie… what’s going on?” And in casting my mind back, I saw that the Cookie Monster first took up residence and started treating my body as host when I started the drugs. Interesting. By the time this is over I’ll either have diabetes or a new wardrobe.
Roll on 2010.