Erm, this round of IVF has taken a slightly dramatic turn the past two days, and I can tell something’s gone awry because of how bloated, fatigued, and spaced out I feel. Looks like I am skidding toward the possibility of developing ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome, and I don’t mind telling anyone who comes to the door: I don’t want any! It sounds really unpleasant, and I’m finding the alleged likelihood of its arrival very rude.
Okay, so in the past 36 or so hours, the IVF drugs have properly slammed me into a wall. I’ve been tracking SO smoothly until now – blithely characterising this cycle as ‘wildly uneventful’ to my friend T just the other day – but yesterday, KAPOW! Total and utter exhaustion kicked in, knocking me insensible. I had to have another blood test yesterday (I was averaging one every 48 hours until today, when I got to have another one), just before experiencing the indescribable joy of a nice probing internal ultrasound first thing, at which point Nurse E exclaimed, “Well, there’s a lot going on in there, isn’t there?! Sorry if this is uncomfortable” – it was – “but there’s not a lot of room left!” – all this before 9 am and my first coffee of the day – no wonder I wilted.
When another nurse called yesterday afternoon with the results, she said my oestrogen level was right off the charts. How was I feeling, she wanted to know. “Tired,” I admitted.
“I bet,” she said, “and probably pretty bloated by now too!”
She sounded almost gleeful about the prospect, which I must say I still prefer to Nurse T’s approach today, which has been to put the fear of a vengeful fertility goddess in me by listing all the vile ways in which I will ‘likely’ develop a full-blown case of OHSS. Now, look, there’s no point worrying about contingencies, that’s just not my style even though it is clearly Nurse T’s, so I’m just going to do as I’ve been doing (well, ever since overdoing my robust seizing of the day last Saturday): take it very, very easy. Running is apparently out, which is fine because the mere thought makes me yawn and slide beneath my desk. And I now have to drink at least 3 litres of water a day, which wouldn’t be a problem except for my Varuna Alumni News deadline – it’s hard focusing on everyone’s latest successes when all I really want to do is dash to the toilet at half-hour intervals.
Which is unfortunate for another reason. While yesterday I wouldn’t have said I was really all that bloated – just settle down Nurse T, I think someone’s getting a little over-excited – going to the toilet had already started making my ovaries hurt. I’m not kidding, I can feel them grouching away in there. Throbbing, an increasingly sullen duo, actively plotting to join a plainly hostile union movement that’s silently growing in a dark meeting place somewhere deep in my body. Damned rebels. So now I’m under doctor’s orders to increase my water intake, it’s at least twice the fun. Who’s a lucky girl, then?
This morning after my blood test, Nurse T said there was a good chance this cycle would be cancelled. All day I’ve waited to have that confirmed, and if she was wrong about that – which she was, because they called to say I’m now scheduled to go in for collection on Friday – then I say she can be wrong about a whole host of other hit predictions too. Fact is, they won’t know or decide the way forward until after the collection, just like they didn’t know until later on today what my blood would say. But one thing is indisputable: the nurses are all really concerned about me. And that’s a little unnerving. It’s not just Nurse T. Nurse M picked up the phone at one point, and I like her, we bonded over Lionel Shriver in my first round, so I identified myself and asked how she was doing. “Oh my god, you poor thing, how are you doing?” she said, her voice full of worry. Then Nurse T came on the line. “Oh, we’ll be keeping a very close eye on you,” she said, and I know she meant it to be reassuring. Guess this round isn’t proving to be so wildly uneventful after all.
Although I read everyone else’s blogs last night, and I’m all up to date, I actually started and then deleted comments on about four of them, because I really have exceedingly low energy right now, and I found myself paralysed each time. Like the tracks beneath my train of thought just petered out, and I came grinding to a halt in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Truthfully, it’s all I can do dragging this post out of myself while trying to finish the Alumni News before deadline, so with your kind permission, I’ll be taking a little break from the blog. Just a few days – I’ll be back Monday 29 March, how does that sound? Thanks for bearing with me, keep your fingers crossed if you’ve got any going spare, and please take care. Back soon! xxx