Today I hurt someone I care about. I didn’t and don’t want to hurt them, quite the opposite, but I know that I did. And I don’t know if there’s any way I could have indefinitely averted it – if there is a way I might have, I still can’t see it. I might have bought myself some more time, but that is all. Because this is not the sort of situation where one might simply say nothing, where it might just resolve itself naturally over the course of time – unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. It isn’t scabbing over. It isn’t fading. It isn’t going away.
So today has been a terrible day of knowing I have caused pain to someone I love. I did this by trying – perhaps failing, but trying – to do the right thing by others I love. There can be love on both sides, and still there can erupt situations that are impossible to reconcile. That is what I learned today. And I’m sorry – pathetically, hopelessly, pointlessly, appallingly sorry, because I didn’t and don’t know what else to do. I wish I did.