Feed. Me.

October 14, 2010 at 4:26 am (Uncategorized)

Hunger. Hunger like you wouldn’t believe. Now, I’ve never been one to let myself get really ravenous, I tend to take care of business well before it hits that crisis point (and that’s because when I’m hungry, I’m crazy), but this is a new and truly voracious appetite.

Nothing seems to satisfy the gaping maw that is my mouth.

I got really hungry around about the start of the second trimester, and then things calmed down again, but for the last week or so, I would describe my appetite as frantic. I’ve nearly been in tears – honestly on the verge of weeping – if there’s been any sort of delay between the onset of these hunger pains and their satiety. And the expression is literal, because it is painful – there’s an actual gnawing, as though Baby J were a Pac-Man from the old video game, chomping his or her way through my insides. I’ve only just eaten lunch, and before lunch I had a mid-morning banana, and at breakfast I had a big bowl of porridge (and the all-important glass of OJ), and apparently none of this has had any impact whatsoever, because I feel like I am STARVING.

The other night, I had to have a pre-dinner bowl of muesli and yoghurt because I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I knew Llew was still an hour or so away, and I was never going to make it. That’s what this feeling is like right now – I am in the grip of it, and it is consuming me, because I have evidently failed to consume enough. Wait a second. I need to stop writing right this second and go and get something else to eat.

Okay. Now I’ve had an apple, but I keep putting down the core and picking it straight back up again for another round of shredding… okay, what’s left of it is actually coming apart – I’m through to the pips. I don’t think it’s going to work. I’m still hungry. And hunger makes me feel wild.

Despite all the eating, and despite what Dr F’s scales said, I don’t actually look all that huge. I mean, I have a big baby bump, as you’d expect, but the rest of me looks… kind of… normal. Dr F didn’t believe me when I told him what the scales said, and made me hop on again so he could double-check, and as he said, I’m not even puffy. Not yet, anyway. I’m sure a lot can change in ten weeks.  But currently I look about the same, except I’m carting around 12 kilos of extra tummy (although the Guest Breasts must take some credit too, since they’re easily double their normal size). That’s right, count ‘em: T-W-E-L-V-E – and that’s according to my scales; if we’re to believe Dr F’s, you can make that fifteen (neither of us think his scales are accurate, but that could well be wishful thinking). And there’s still ten whole weeks to go! Jesus! I shudder to think where I’ll be at the end of this, but all I know is, when you’ve gotta eat, you’ve gotta eat. Speaking of which… I need an apple chaser before I take off my arm…

Let’s see how I go with a treat… a warm date cookie and a glass of milk – will that take the edge off?? Here’s hoping.

As for other symptoms/evidence of my current tenant? Thumping great kicks these days, which are both strange and wonderful, and make me really impatient to meet the little person behind them. Nosebleeds – or at least bloody mucus when I blow my nose (nice). Indigestion – this seems entirely unrelated to when or what I eat; I think it’s just crowded in there, and my digestive tract sometimes lodges the protest hours and hours after the fact. Ridiculous bladder behaviour: it’s back. Sore legs at night – don’t ask me why, but I think I’ll call them ‘bed legs’ from now on. Insomnia – although that’s largely about discomfort now. Oh, and a brand new one hit me before sleep the other night: a horrible shooting pain, kind of like what I imagine a heart attack might feel like, except this one stabbed me on the right side rather than the left. This was the first genuinely unpleasant thing I have felt. It was even a little frightening. I really hope that’s not what contractions are like.

Anything else…? Um… my skin is a lot better, as Annah predicted. I wouldn’t call it perfect, but it’s a big improvement, although that’s also seasonal, I know. The blessed humidity is back, winter is over, my skin is rejoicing and so am I. Oh yes, my vision: I have excellent sight ordinarily, but my right eye is currently weaker. No question. My friend L tells me this is another usual side-effect of pregnancy, and not to even bother going for an eye test – because I’d like to make sure it’s not a new, permanent problem with my sight – until after Baby J’s arrived and I am back to “normal.” She says there’s no point, it won’t be accurate, and I’m inclined to agree.

I’m sure I’m forgetting any number of things, but while I have happily been describing this as a trouble-free pregnancy, and truly believe it to be, and feel extraordinarily fortunate for that, it’s interesting to realise that there are in fact a list of things happening that aren’t really much fun. They just don’t seem to add up to anything worth worrying about – it’s all just stuff, small stuff that happens when you’re growing a small person. No complaints (and I think the cookie and milk did the trick).

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8 Comments

  1. Annah said,

    Yay for your skin coming good! It will stay good now and make you feel and look radiant..after a good snack and a nap that is.

    I agree that the appetite of this unborn little critter is mind blowing. The small stomach space it leaves you, after dominating your entire abdominal cavity, needs to be filled constantly, and high energy foods (read junk) are the best at satisfying…unfortunately. If you had told me 9 months ago, the amount of cookies and milkshakes (the real sugary kind) I would have devoured, as “meals”, I would have been horrified. It was all going to be beautiful lean meats and organic vegies for me..that went out the window a couple of months ago. My body doesn’t want that 8 times a day..it wants COOKIES and MILK! I read your post while eating a freshly baked Afghan Biscuit, that was still steaming its chocolate breath on me that minute….I had to giggle.

    The eye thing is really weird. My right eye takes what feels like 15 minutes to focus. I give up now and read with that eye closed. Hope that comes right after the birth!

    Sore legs were keeping me up at night but now my hubby massages them firmly every night before I sleep and it works a treat…probably why I have no swelling what so ever too.

    I agree that all these little niggles are so minor…and are forgotten the instant our bub does a big shuffle in there and makes us LONG for them to enter the world..I cant wait for that first eye contact…what a miracle!

    Book yourself in for a breastfeeding course..there is quite a technique to it, and if you do it “right” from the start, it makes it all smooth sailing apparently…thats if your up for it and blessed with a good milk supply. Anyway, an essential course I reckon.

    Ohh all fun and games…they are taking over our lives already.

    • doctordi said,

      Annah, I am really laughing now because I have been having milkshake upon milkshake in recent weeks – CAN’T get enough of them!!! How hilarious that we’re seeking out the exact same things… it can’t just be comfort or lapses in discipline, can it??? I’m a vanilla malt girl through and through – skim milk, but still!!

      Oh, thank goodness – not that I wish the eye thing upon you – I’m relieved to know this is happening to someone else. Hopefully it really will abate post-partum – funny we’ve both copped it in the right eye, too. Are you right-handed? I am.

      A breastfeeding course, huh? You’re the second person to suggest this to me… I’ll see what’s covered in the antenatal course and ask the midwife running it about the options. Thanks for the tip! I really wish you could pass me one of those piping hot Anzac Biscuits too!!! Oh yes, and naps – I forgot to talk about needing to nap – a real first, as I have NEVER been able to do this but totally crash and burn every single afternoon without fail at the moment. I still rarely nap, but there have been a couple of occasions when I’ve simply HAD to succumb. Glad to hear all’s on track with you!!

  2. Grad said,

    I laughed my tush off (figuratively) reading your post, Annah’s comment, and your reply! I had forgotten some of that stuff, but you’ve brought it all back. You’ll have wonderful stories to roll around years from now when you tell Baby J. Kids, no matter how grown up, love to hear how they drove their parents nuts – both before birth and after. And then there’s labor and delivery. It’s a…er…um…unique experience. I agree with Annah. If you have a breastfeeding course available take advantage of it. I also had a wonderful book I read over and over. I think it was called The Art of Breastfeeding or something like that. Your post leaves me feeling very happy. Like everything is right with the world.

    • doctordi said,

      The midwife covered breastfeeding in some detail in Saturday’s antenatal course, but it sounds like you and Annah are talking about something more… Hmmm…

  3. davidrochester said,

    Well goodness, you’ll only be pregnant once — you’ll lose those few extra pounds, I’m sure, esp. if you breastfeed, which burns a ridiculous number of calories. Enjoy that cookie — that’s my vote.

    Your remark about your breasts has reminded me of my friend Elissa, whom I met five months after the birth of her first child, and whom I watched through another pregnancy shortly thereafter. I could not *believe* it. It was a little alarming, actually, as if she’d taken a bicycle pump and found some valve hitherto unknown to science.

    • doctordi said,

      I am *definitely* enjoying each and every cookie.

      Oh yes, it’s exactly like that. They are not mine, and they are not forever.

  4. Lilian Nattel said,

    I’ve never heard of the eye thing, but cookies and milk makes total sense. That must be for baby j.

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