Dose me up on some more of those happy hormones, would you?

October 15, 2010 at 6:21 am (Uncategorized)

I’ve (uncharacteristically, it must be said) felt supremely relaxed throughout the past 30 weeks, really chilled out and untroubled and even-keeled, but the last few days, I’ve noticed A Worrying Change. Things are irritating me again. Like really, really pissing me off, and this morning I woke up so tired and so grumpy I have been half snarling all day. Oh no! I found myself thinking earlier in the week, fuming in a store about some stupid thing, I feel like myself again! Where did the magic hormones go? And how can I get them back again? TAKE THE UNBLEMISHED SKIN BACK – seriously, I would rather get a lifetime’s supply of that love drug I’ve been coasting on for the past six months!

Please don’t go! Stay a while!

What’s making me steam like my old self today is the rise of the group booking. I am simply trying to make a lunch reservation as part of the Festival of Llew (his birthday’s coming up), and because we’re 10 people, we have to – have to – have a set menu whether we like it or not. This riles me from the outset, because what the restaurant is saying is that the more people we bring into their venue, and the more money we drop at their door, the less we will receive in return. Beside me sit the forms I am now forced to print, fill out and fax back in order to secure our table. If we were a table of 9, I wouldn’t have to do anything but call and leave my name and number. Then there’s the set menu. Instead of being able to peruse the full menu, I have to choose, on everyone else’s behalf, three options. I have to decide – right now – if everyone’s having dessert, or no one is. There is a fixed price, which exceeds what you would pay for the same two courses from the regular menu. How does that work? Why are we paying more for bringing in a larger table? Aren’t large tables good for business? You bet they are. Shouldn’t we be rewarded? Not on your life.

Then there’s the wine list. This place has a great list; it’s one of the reasons why Llew wanted to go there. Do you think we’re allowed to order what we wish from the full list? It seems not. No, they want me to choose one white, one red, one beer and so on now – on my fax, you see, without which my booking is NOT confirmed – and everyone will be forced to drink that for the day. Now, I worked in hospitality right throughout university, so I understand the argument about the limited food menu even though I think it’s a fucking cheek, but I don’t accept it’s so desperately difficult for the wait staff to deal with our beverage order. What if we want to try a few different wines? Well, it looks like we’ll have to un-invite a couple of Llew’s friends. I’ve emailed back saying I think that would be a real shame, so I’m awaiting their response.

Finally, because wait, there’s more, for the privilege of being punished at every turn for lining their pockets with group gold, we earn a 6% charge on top of our bill. It’s for nothing other than yet another slap on the coin purse for being rude enough to fill their restaurant.

As you might imagine, I am starting to lose my appetite. And yes, if it were a different story anywhere else, we would take our sucker selves off the reservation sheet and suggest they ram it up their arse. But it’s not. They all do it. Welcome to Sydney.



  1. Annah said,

    Ha ha..well that post sure brought me out of my post nap coma. Love your passion! And couldn’t agree with you more..its a sham!

    PS These hormones are making me a “nice” person too. I’m enjoying the change, from a social experiment perspective, but I am finding my gentle reactions to things a bit nauseating. Im looking forward to letting rip again sometime soon.

    • doctordi said,

      Personally, Annah, I was hoping the hormones would see me through until at least the birth and preferably longer, but it seems a switch has been flicked and I am back to my grouchy self – a shame!!!

  2. plumbean said,

    i love the way you write! i am a non drinking vegetarian and set lunches drive me bananas as all i end up eating is a green salad and bread fro the table but it is the most expensive lunch in the world. picnics on the beach are the way to go i have decided. xx

    • doctordi said,

      Oh wow, Priya, I shudder to think what these group rorting events must be like for you! Picnics on the beach are the perfect revenge.

  3. Pete said,

    Just reading this makes me angry too. Could u book two tables of five? Suppose not. Bloody cheek. But hope u have a good festival anyway. And happy birthday to Llew!

    • doctordi said,

      Nice idea, Pete, but they’d be on to us in a flash…

  4. Grad said,

    Pete stole my suggestion. Obviously, you want to go to this particular restaurant. So, why not just book two tables of 5, reserved under two different names, specify that you want them next to each other, then push the tables together when you get there. I’m sure they won’t want to see ten people (who haven’t paid in advance) walk out en masse, and they’ll probably let you do it. They’ll surely let you do it if you give the person who seats you an extra ten bucks. But I agree you should be accommodated far better than you are. On another note, I too am being supremely annoyed – by something petty. Our new secretary brings her lunch to work every day (no problem there). She heats her soup or meal in the microwave (still no problem), but she uses a glass bowl and a metal fork or spoon, and for some reason the sound of the spoon clanking on the side of the glass drives me nuts. Why is that? This is a new development as I’m not easily annoyed. And I like her very much. As the dreaded noon hour approaches, I find myself waiting for the enevitable and nerve wracking ..clank…slurp…clank…slurp..clank…clank. “Please eat quickly” I pray. If the window wasn’t painted shut I just might jump.

    • doctordi said,

      If only it were that simple, Graddikins. No, I’ve decided to just focus on Llew enjoying himself and now I’ve carped about it here I can actually let go most of my ire…until the next time.

      There are just some noises that pierce the air, I think. Some things are just incredibly grating even if they’re sounds being generated by the nicest person in the world. Isolated repetitions seem particularly torturous.

  5. Jodie said,

    Rubbish people! I’d just lie I think – say 9, rock up with an extra a little before the reservation (to avoid sitting down being delayed by a scene). If they object about you bringing an extra person remind them how much extra cash you’ll be giving them.

    • doctordi said,

      They’d only force the group menu on us at that point, Jodie. Truly. We are a captive audience. But we will let them know afterwards how unacceptable we find it being the ones doing all the accommodating.

  6. jactaylor said,

    how much per cent extra? now let’s see… tip is usually 10 to 15 per cent, minus 6 per cent… right, that works out.

  7. Lilian Nattel said,

    well it seems quite natural to get irritated by that. hormones are fine, but really, mellowness, at a certain point, just isn’t human.

  8. litlove said,

    Well no wonder you are upset – who wouldn’t be if you have to organise and pay for a social event you feel trapped into holding in a way that doesn’t please you and which gives you the feeling of being shafted. You’d need more happy hormones than mere pregnancy can provide to keep laughing through that one. Hope it turns out lovely in the end.

    • doctordi said,

      Shafted is the word. But I’ve made peace with it in the interests of a happy day, so now we just need to focus all our energy on getting SUNSHINE. Happy, sunny thoughts…

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